The Reluctant Dinner Party Guest Pie

There are times in life and within my own relationships that I am required to go to events that are better left alone. I have had to go to seemingly endless dinner parties that supply bountiful amounts of truly awful conversation that made me want to wretch the whole way through. Although I can not always skirt my social obligations, I can silently protest by adding my own contribution to what I consider to be inconvenient by bringing my own version of something I know others find to be intolerable to an event I'd rather have passed up. It was after an especially heinous dinner party in which the topic of choice was how to fix my "bitchy face" that I decided to search out a recipe, something that only I could enjoy and the others would have to eat out of obligation, much like I had to attend out of obligation. When I found it, I knew it was the perfect fit for my needs, an item I could have fun making and eat with gusto, while everyone else nibbles politely. So I will share my secret here and now, this is the recipe for "I don't want to be here pie" It's a recipe based on the licorice pudding from epicurious.com. Bring it to the next socially imposed upon you event and see if it helps you have a quiet giggle if you can handle it that is.


-> Gather your ingredients, you will need;


- 3/4 cups chopped black licorice sticks

-1/4 teaspoon of salt

-4 1/2 cups of whole milk

-1 cup of sugar

-5 tablespoons of cornstarch or arrowroot powder

-3 egg yolks

-1 1/2 tablespoons of butter

-2 graham cracker pie crusts

-2 teaspoons cinnamon for garnish


-> Step one, mix together the licorice, salt, butter, milk, and sugar on a medium-low setting in a saucepan until dissolved, do not allow to boil, for about 20 minutes. (*it's okay if it is a little lumpy after all, it's meant to be served to frienemies).


-> Step two, remove from heat and stir in the cornstarch or arrowroot powder, and egg yolks. Whisking over low heat for 5 minutes. Strain the mixture and chill overnight in a heat-safe container in the refrigerator.


-> Step three, pour the chilled pudding into each of the pie crusts and smooth the top with a spoon. Saving one in the refrigerator for your event up to 48 hours after cooking and the other in the freeze for the next time, or within six months.


-> Step four, sprinkle the cinnamon to your liking on the top of the pudding.


  • for extra fun (and be sure to warn the other guests) use cannabis-infused butter for the pie (so, yes you do need to tell the people consuming the pie if you use cannabis butter in it).


Personally I recommend that no person should ever make this recipe, but who am I to tell you how to handle your business. Best of luck and may you never have to be guilted or obligated to any event that you hate. To anyone who made this atrocious dessert, do so at your own risk and leave your input in the forums or site or on the Conspiracy Meow! social media page.