Remembering Ouchies

They say pain lets you know you are alive. That may be all well and good in hindsight but at the time, it's the last thing you want to hear when you are in the emergency room waiting for the results to come back in order to find out if you will ever walk under your own strength. If you follow Conspiracy Meow! on social media you'd know that internal bleeding led to some very serious complications for my spine as well as my professional and personal life recently. While I'm waiting to see how my recovery goes, I've had nothing but time to think about all of my other injuries where the prognosis was less than ideal. Be sure though, that I am not saying I'm dead and gone just yet, but things are going to be different for at least a few more months. As always this is not medical advice, go to an actual medical provider for that because nothing here is going to serve you well in that context nor is it supposed to. No, I only wish to cheer myself up and anyone else who might be in a similar situation. So here it is people, my list of its "never going to be the same injuries" that I have healed nicely from. Here we go.


1) Allergy test needed


In the time of Coolio, when the summer sun in California was particularly hot to a pedestrian, I was living it up in suburbia with my friends. There were pool parties, long days at the fair eating cotton candy, and late nights listening to music with my buddies. Things were great until my friend's mom made us these delicious smoothies with all the specialty fruits she could buy at the farmer's market. I must have had about a full blenders' worth of it before my throat started to get itchy. The itching got worse and soon my lips and face were swollen so much my skin became taut and was throbbing. Being an idiot, my father thought it was a good idea to "wait it out" even though our family had probably one of the best health insurance plans you could get at the time. Two days later my face was oozing pus, with a bloody rip where my skin tore near my mouth. By the time I was seen by a doctor I had to do two rounds of steroid therapy before I could go back to eating solid food again a month later. As for my facial scarring, it mostly faded over time, but to this day if you know what to look for you can see it on the right side of my face by my mouth.


2) Discount manicures


It was supposed to be a half-day for me at work. All I had to do was go in for the morning to verify that the weekend crew did indeed finish the office renovation as they were contracted to. Naturally, they had finished and were out of the place themselves by the time I showed up. I popped my head in and saw everything was tip-top before I let the door behind me close. That was when the skin at the base of my thumbnail caught on a loose metal fragment sticking out of the wall. That tore my nail forward and the skin under it clean off. It happened so fast that I didn't know what hit me, all I saw was blood splurting and my bone where my nail should be. I ran to the front of the building where a jumpy old doorman drove me to the hospital and waited with me while I got stitched up. For the next year straight every doctor I went to told me I'd never have a thumbnail again and I didn't, at least for a while. First, it grew back as thick skin instead of a nail at all. People were totally repulsed by it. I didn't blame them. I had to wear a bandaid over it to cover the unsightliness. The scarring where my stitches were prevented anything to grow past the middle of where my nail should have been. Time has a way of smoothing scars and after a couple of seasons, my nail came back. Now you'd never know that it was once the thing that my co-workers would scream if they saw, but if you look closely you can see where the stitches were under the nailbed that left little bubble-like scars.


3) The first chunk is the hardest


As a young adult, I took for granted a work trip to Australia that gave me a free weekend to do whatever I wanted there. Being the dull girl that I am, I booked a guided hiking tour of a national park that was supposed to be very educational. The brochure said that it was an ideal day to learn about the native flowers of the region, something I could get behind. Only what I got was a hyped-up Aussie jock who had our group jog through the park to a hidden swim spot. Needless to say, that I wasn't in the mood because I had just been pulling two weeks straight of double shifts with the company I was working for, getting an average of three hours of sleep a night, after being on my feet all day. The swim though was nice and the water was refreshing. My single issue there was that I got a scratch on the back of my thigh sliding down a rocky slope. The scratch turned red instead of healing over the next few days and by the time I was back in the states the cut was painfully oozing. My doctor looked at it for a minute and circled it with a marker before telling me that if the swelling got bigger he would have to cut out the infected tissue. Overnight the cut overtook the marker's border and I begrudgingly made the follow-up call to have the doctor do his work to stop the cut from getting worse. Upon seeing my lack of recovery the doctor with a quick numbing injection cut out some meat of my leg before packing it with gauze. To this day I'm not sure if I want a re-do of my vacation to Australia or to consider the place my kryptonite and avoid it forever. Oh well I guess, at least that partt of my leg came back with only the skin being slightly lighter where it was previously removed. At the time I was warned that I'd have a dip in the spot for the rest of my life.


The point is that at the end of the day, have faith in time and medical science, both have a way of softening the permanence of injury and illness. I wish strength to those who are laid up right now recovering their health. May you have the best outcome and as always "Let Your Inner Shut In Totally Wig Out!"