Michael Myers, the Fastidious Murderer

It's sweater weather time and that means that the holidays kick off with All Hallows Eve soon. I love this time of year, the food gets comforting, the color palate matches my hair, and the cable TV movies become my guilty pleasure, particularly the classic horror films. With these cozy nights in on a foggy end to my day, I have often pondered some specifics of the Halloween film franchise. Specifics like why the lead villain Michael Myers is so slow in catching his intended victims. As such I have made a theory regarding this lack of jogging found with the slasher legend himself. Here is why I think Michael Myers will not run after those he plans to kill.


When it comes to our unstoppable Michael Myers and his steady pace in pursuing his prey, the man never runs for one simple reason; he is bored. While you and I have a day job, hobbies, and other interests Micheal doesn't have a lot going for him during his downtime. Between his big Halloween murder sprees and stints in mental asylums, he is all work and no play. I have to assume that Michael Myers is a meticulous type who researches building schematics and does a great many high impact exercise routines since he has nothing else to fill out his days.


Compared to the average person, Michael did not attend traditional schooling past elementary age, so all those years that an average person put towards obtaining a higher education and later paying down student loans do not apply to him. Also, it's not like the guy has a notable love life to nurture or social obligations other than those he imposes upon himself with the murdering schedule he keeps. Finally, I doubt that a character like Michael Myers has a mortgage or car payments to cause the need to put in the extra hours at work. All this frees up his day to be overly able to track and mow down anyone he so chooses to attack.


With that in mind, for Michael killing is his sport and there are no equals. Imagine preparing for the Olympics only to find that your competitors have all been merely couch potatoes for the last four years and that you could run circles around them with ease. Michael Myers would hypothetically be in such a situation during his most busy time of year. This explains why he has no reason to run as the people he is after are wholly unprepared to take on Michael as a challenge except maybe his sister Laurie, who seems to be the only one who ever even planned to have to handle her dedicated to mayhem brother. This would explain why Michael kept targeting Laurie over and over again. She was the only one who was worth some amount of effort to go after. Do you agree? Is Michael overzealous in his craft? Is he over the bungling falls and unproductive screams of his victims? Say so in the site forums to let the world know what you think of this slasher film icon and as always, Let Your Inner Shut In Totally W Out!